If we really want to get rid of suffering, completely and totally, then clinging has to go. The spiritual path is never one of achievement; it is always one of letting go. The more we let go, the more there is empty and open space for us to see reality. Because what we let go of is no longer there, there is the possibility of just moving without clinging to the results of the movement. As long as we cling to the results of what we do, as long as we cling to the results of what we think, we are bound, we are hemmed in. Meditating on No-Self: A Dhamma Talk (Edited for Bodhi Leaves), by Sister Khema(1994)

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Now is a true test of mindfulness

Well, can't run.  Just can't run more than two days in a row without it feeling like my calf is about to come loose from my leg.  So, bite the bullet.  Two more weeks, no running at all.  Only core exercises and working on this calf strengthening exercises. 

It is even more disappointing as next week I go to Turkey to do some inspections for IHWO and I will not get to run while I am there. I've been researching everything, heel lifts, higher drop from the 4mm I've been using for the last year, it is just a plain old serious strain and it is going to take a bit of time to get it fixed. 

Upon return I will have to start nice a slow and low mileage.  It is very disappointing and it is very craving oriented and I am working on mindfulness just to keep the annoyance and craving down. 

I really want to run.  Bluntly put, I can't without ruining running later on.  So, mindfulness.

Remember the blog entry about all the arises ceases in terms of this great training that was going on?  I went back and read that to remind myself of the impermanence of it.  It didn't help.


Sunday, December 2, 2012

Just Keep Trying?

Sunday, early morning, decided to go for 10km instead of the 12km that I had been trying to do with this return from the injury.  The run was fine, but there is still tightness and after run tightness.  There is no change in the actual running style but I can feel it constantly and it is a real problem mentally for me.  I really want to get back to just running and doing my thing, but that is merely craving. 

I hope I'll be able to run tomorrow at the moment I am icing things and just trying to stay positive about everything.  It is possible I'll run even shorter tomorrow.  I think I just have to accept that this will take some time before I can do the type of running I was doing before this happened.  Its also possible that I have to force myself to run very slowly.  This is another thing I didn't do today.  I tried several times but the pace kept creeping up everytime it did I slowed it down, but it still ended up quicker than I wanted it to be.

I'll just keep trying then.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Trying to Get Back to Mindfulness and Remembering Ownership

Today is Saturday, I didn't run Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.  Tuesday I actually was trying to show some common sense by now pushing things too far, I felt tightness that day so I just took a rest.  The rest of the week I can only provide one simple excuse, fear.

While I did work, and work, and work, at the job all week, I still had more than my fair share of opportunities to get a run in.  Each day my best excuse was, I'll give it one more day and that way it will be that much better off in terms of health when I run the next time."  This is a very good excuse and my mind had no problem rolling with this the whole time.  I even can tell you that I knew that my mind was doing it and that I was in fact mindful that it was not a real reason but a rationalization.  Yet, I still did it out of fear.

Today's run was exceptional for about 10km.  No pain, nothing, just running along, at about 10 km I got some tightness in the calf, not the pain as before, just tightness.  We'll see how that works out.  I'll ice it and elevate it and see what happens for tomorrow.  No limping post run and stretching is not painful at all.  It is possible this is just soreness, not related to the soleus (there the mind goes again, nice rationalization).  In fact, it is what it is, it has no ownership, it is impermanent, unsatisfactory and without a self.

Serious monkey mind out there also.  Some unwholesome, some wholesome but not much in the way of concentration, other than on my calf.  At some points I did manage to concentrate on foot steps. 

Still, I ran, lots of people did not today.