If we really want to get rid of suffering, completely and totally, then clinging has to go. The spiritual path is never one of achievement; it is always one of letting go. The more we let go, the more there is empty and open space for us to see reality. Because what we let go of is no longer there, there is the possibility of just moving without clinging to the results of the movement. As long as we cling to the results of what we do, as long as we cling to the results of what we think, we are bound, we are hemmed in. Meditating on No-Self: A Dhamma Talk (Edited for Bodhi Leaves), by Sister Khema(1994)

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The end of an up and down week

Did not run yesterday.  I was unable to get out the door after I got home.  Friday was the last day of the first week, or orientation week, of the new year.  With my job duties that means that I spent most of the day going back and forth between the front desk, my director's office, and my chair where my computer is making continuous adjustments to the teaching timetable. 

For me the timetable is a difficult experience.  I really would like for it to be nice and tight and easy to work with.  This of course is a craving for control.  In actuality it is humanly just not possible. The first reason is the type of demographic, our clients just don't come in conveniently, they come in whenever they want and expect us to do our thing for them.  That means that the time table is changing constantly.  It is in fact a true testament to trying to renounce craving for control.

The issue for me is not being able to renounce ego about it.  I think the changes to the timetable are a direct reflection on me.  which of course they aren't. Ego, you are not nice.

So I didn't run yesterday, emotionally I was spent.  I had a tough week with some teachers as well and that was pretty difficult to work through also. 

Ran today, nice little 12k.  I made the decision to continue on with the process of upping the mileage so today I hope to go with 4 12ks and 2 15ks next week.  With one day off.

Back to the run, nice a easy, good stuff.  Everyone is different, it is an up and down thing, not to be controlled.

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