I haven't run since Monday. I'm sure my mind can list all kinds of reasons, I can list a variety of things that my mind tells me is the actual situation. None of it is the actual situation.
I am unable to release certain attachment and clinging and as a result I continue to spiral over the last three days in and out of ego issues, personal self worth issues, creating this continuing line of suffering that seems to resonate with me and follow me like a cloud.
Only today can I put the words on paper/computer. A full blown inability to let go of self, craving, attachment that leads to letting my mind wander off in to its own little world of silliness and despair which plagued me for so many years until I worked my way toward thinking in a more appropriate fashion using mindfulness, following the breath and the like.
Maybe it is good that I am typing it out now. That penultimate sentence has made me suddenly feel better than I have felt in 3 days. Still, attachment/craving/ name it what you want. It truly is suffering. I've made myself suffer for three days now.
I am unable to release certain attachment and clinging and as a result I continue to spiral over the last three days in and out of ego issues, personal self worth issues, creating this continuing line of suffering that seems to resonate with me and follow me like a cloud.
Only today can I put the words on paper/computer. A full blown inability to let go of self, craving, attachment that leads to letting my mind wander off in to its own little world of silliness and despair which plagued me for so many years until I worked my way toward thinking in a more appropriate fashion using mindfulness, following the breath and the like.
Maybe it is good that I am typing it out now. That penultimate sentence has made me suddenly feel better than I have felt in 3 days. Still, attachment/craving/ name it what you want. It truly is suffering. I've made myself suffer for three days now.
Mark, you are really good person! Believe in yourself.
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