If we really want to get rid of suffering, completely and totally, then clinging has to go. The spiritual path is never one of achievement; it is always one of letting go. The more we let go, the more there is empty and open space for us to see reality. Because what we let go of is no longer there, there is the possibility of just moving without clinging to the results of the movement. As long as we cling to the results of what we do, as long as we cling to the results of what we think, we are bound, we are hemmed in. Meditating on No-Self: A Dhamma Talk (Edited for Bodhi Leaves), by Sister Khema(1994)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Getting Used to Disappointment

Mid morning 15k again today.  Rained hard last night for most of the night.  Woke to a very foggy humid day.  It certainly was very wet out there.  The run itself was time on my feet, mileage posture, feet not bad.  everything else was a mess.

I had a horrific day at work yesterday.  As a result I had a great deal of anger and that anger never went away.  Very unwholesome thoughts all the way around.  I kept trying to bring it to the foot plant or anything wholesome, did loving kindness metta before the run.  Just a really bad mental experience.  Yesterday's experience at work was just the kind of thing where you know that you are seriously suffering inside from what you may perceive to be a very wrong thing happening to you.  Some of this was ego, some of it was feelings, so of it was perception.  I need to meditate a lot on all of this because it is only causing me suffering, at least I can identify the suffering though.  If I stay mindful...

In addition as part of that conversation I was told that the Ukrainian government was doing everything possible to make it so foreigners wouldn't work in Ukraine.  I was also told that certainly the people who have taken a certain course (DELTA) could handle most of the work that I do in my job and that of course for the third year in a row I would need to take a pay cut to stay at the school.

Topping this off I was attacked on my run today.  Ukrainians, disappointment.  At least I didn't get hurt, three guys tried to jump on me as I was running by and then they chased me for about 50 meters, but of course they were mildly moronic Svoboda types (they are the hard core nationalist that believe only Ukrainians should live in Ukraine, apparently they didn't get the memo about their being a whole big world out there).  Ukraine, disappointment, get used to it.

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