If we really want to get rid of suffering, completely and totally, then clinging has to go. The spiritual path is never one of achievement; it is always one of letting go. The more we let go, the more there is empty and open space for us to see reality. Because what we let go of is no longer there, there is the possibility of just moving without clinging to the results of the movement. As long as we cling to the results of what we do, as long as we cling to the results of what we think, we are bound, we are hemmed in. Meditating on No-Self: A Dhamma Talk (Edited for Bodhi Leaves), by Sister Khema(1994)

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Fear and Loathing in Kyiv

Sorry Hunter S. Thompson.  I ran today.  For most people that is either something they always do, something they have just started doing, or have started doing again.  I've been off for two weeks with this Soleus Strain.  I have been looking forward (craving, grasping) to this run for the last three days.  I also have been fearing (fear) this run for the last three days.  The myriad of what ifs available for this Sunday boggle the mind.  (not really, the mind is the one that made up all these myriads, thus causing the suffering).

Slept in a bit, ran mid morning.  It is 0 c outside, i think, tough to tell, low overcast clouds.  Decided to start with a simple 12k.  The mind said run easy, just get used to doing it again because I (the mind) will spend most of my time monitoring this leg and deciding how much fear, depression and anger to put in to you based on how the leg is doing.

I give the whole run about a 7 out of 10.  It was fantastic is some places, mellow in some places, scary in some places and it was completed.

My body reminded me several times that I have just been injured.  The leg seems to have held up well.  The first 6 kms were fairly basic and there was a bit of tightness but nothing untoward.  At about 5km I go downhill, gradually, for a bit, this seemed to speed me up which promptly brought out the stabbing pain, so I slowed it down and reminded myself about 200 times the keep it slow, approach it with the Caballo Blanco (why take two steps when you can take 3) approach. 

This approach was very useful as the stabbing came back every once in a while, but it certainly didn't cause any long term problems and as I write this I have no pains or aches and am not limping to the refrigerator for the ice bags. 

There was a great deal of fear today.  Fear led to anger, anger led to hate, hate led to suffering, the same that always happens.  However, the fear came and went, so did everything else, I was only working on the leg today, and the leg is what brought the fear.  Now my mind will work me over about how I will feel tomorrow morning.  Stupid mind, I know you are there... 

Fear and loathing

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