Thus, I have the chance to talk about creating your own suffering. My attempts at getting off this medication feel like a complete failure. I am constantly frustrated and full of anxiety about all kinds of things. I almost through my new tablet against a wall today because I couldn't make it work. Thus I create the aftermath of suffering with this. Even with meditation, following the breath, being mindful I am annoyed.
Add my attachment to this calf problem and I am really causing suffering. Of course it is temporary and impermanent but my mind certainly doesn't see it that way. This is a really good example of how I cause my own suffering. Maybe it is a chance for me to expand my practice further by seeing all the things that I do to myself.
For example, why should I get angry at an inanimate object? Do I think I can control the object so well that it will do what I want it to do? Clearly I cannot as I am pissed that it won't do what I want it to do. Again, causing my own suffering by not see that it is impermanent, without satisfaction, and not having a self. This is all very enlightening to me.
But, again, even though I can see it clearly, I go around and around in a circle that seems to repeat itself every day, all day. I wonder if it will ever end. I wonder if it is the medication that doesn't keep me in the circle.
Fascinating. Hope to run tomorrow.