If we really want to get rid of suffering, completely and totally, then clinging has to go. The spiritual path is never one of achievement; it is always one of letting go. The more we let go, the more there is empty and open space for us to see reality. Because what we let go of is no longer there, there is the possibility of just moving without clinging to the results of the movement. As long as we cling to the results of what we do, as long as we cling to the results of what we think, we are bound, we are hemmed in. Meditating on No-Self: A Dhamma Talk (Edited for Bodhi Leaves), by Sister Khema(1994)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Trade offs - Trade ons

20km in the mid afternoon.  Went to bed late last night.  Woke up mid morning, read the news, had a cup of tea, went back to sleep, woke up at 2:30 went and ran about 3.  Kyiv was very busy today.  Very busy.  So was my mind.

I ran the 20km loop backward (i didn't run backward) so was on Khryshchatyk for the first part.  The street is always closed on the weekend, but today there was special fun for everyone.  A drifting competition along with a bunch of other cars.  Lots of people leaning over the rails looking at cars wasting rubber. 

To me, the reverse route is hillier, because the hills are longer.  Nonetheless I got around faster than I ever have before, some reason I am in this period of running quite quickly.  I keep thinking the next run will be the run where I pay for it.  Tune in tomorrow and see if it is.

I am also attempting to use what I write about and read about and attempt to apply to wean myself off anxiety medication that I have been on for 7 years now.  Unfortunately, it does two very separate things.  It gives you crazy dreams, but also it can make you quickly irritable.  I certainly had that today.  I was as unwholesome as they come for much of this run.  For plant was okay, but my mind was a race track of rage back and forth back and forth, opinions and views of absolute delusional quality.

After I crested the big hill at about 14 km I had a very nice analysis.  Absolutely not one person on the planet was suffering for all the crazy shit that I was spewing out in my mind.  The only person suffering was me.

Its been a good days since then.

I really am quite interested in this sudden change in speed/pace/regardless of distance. 

Let it go.

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