Why not start slow then? Why not start by walking? Why not remember that nothing is permanent and that there is no self and exactly whose pain is it? Is it the person who ran yesterday? The person who runs today? Whose pain? All very interesting phenomena to consider. Nonetheless, the anxiety is there, needs to be considered for what it is. A thought, that will arise, and then pass. They are impermanent.
So out the door I go. In general it was warmer today than it has been in the last few days. I was very sweaty at the end, very humid. But the pace was fine even when I tried to just run. The foot plant mindfulness was quite good.
However, full of unwholesome thoughts throughout which affected and create opinions and views which arose, were cut off, arose again in another form, were cut off and mindfulness returned to foot plant. They rise, somehow they pass, they too are impermanent.
Not running Monday creates its own anxiety, making sure I get five more runs in for the week. What really happens if I don't run and get my 88kms for the week? What really happens? Overall, nothing, personal goals are lost, but isn't that grasping and not letting go of personal goals?
All very interesting.