If we really want to get rid of suffering, completely and totally, then clinging has to go. The spiritual path is never one of achievement; it is always one of letting go. The more we let go, the more there is empty and open space for us to see reality. Because what we let go of is no longer there, there is the possibility of just moving without clinging to the results of the movement. As long as we cling to the results of what we do, as long as we cling to the results of what we think, we are bound, we are hemmed in. Meditating on No-Self: A Dhamma Talk (Edited for Bodhi Leaves), by Sister Khema(1994)

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Embracing Fear?

Finished the CELTA course Friday, back to work on Monday, hence the title.  More on that later.  Ran all week, except Tuesday of course.  Got the mileage I wanted for the week.  Thursday and Friday were 'runs' and today went out mid day with minimal turnaround today. 

It got hot and I seemed to be pretty tired today.  Also I had world class monkey mind.  Just full of unwholesomeness and this was the second day in a row.  My run on Thursday was a good mindful piece of work but over the last two days I have really felt the unwholesomeness of my thoughts.

Luckily I have seen these and returned back to mindfulness, but I am noticing that in both of these days it felt like I was in that state of unwholesomeness for some period of time.  I probably wasn't but that is what it felt like. 

After the run sat down and worked it through and its just the second noble truth.  The cause of suffering is craving.  In this case its craving to avoid fear and the fear is the hard work that I wish I could control, but know that I won't control there is greed which is related to my compensation and of course that is all just suffering.  This is hard business.

I'll spend the day trying to embrace that fear and work with it.

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