If we really want to get rid of suffering, completely and totally, then clinging has to go. The spiritual path is never one of achievement; it is always one of letting go. The more we let go, the more there is empty and open space for us to see reality. Because what we let go of is no longer there, there is the possibility of just moving without clinging to the results of the movement. As long as we cling to the results of what we do, as long as we cling to the results of what we think, we are bound, we are hemmed in. Meditating on No-Self: A Dhamma Talk (Edited for Bodhi Leaves), by Sister Khema(1994)

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Fascinating Five Days

Just fascinating.  The whole week has been fully of feedback, failure, and information.  I have not run since the 50k on Sunday.  I have analyzed the run repeatedly and come to the conclusion that it went really well.  It turns out I ran the first 25k quite well and the final 25k I lost some time, specifically 9 minutes off an even split, but there was being lost and other types of issues.

I didn't, don't, have the bilateral outer tendon pain I had for two days after the last 40k, all I have really had was some tightness for two days in my thighs.  But that isn't the most interesting thing.  I never intended to run on Monday or Tuesday, but I haven't run Wed or Thu and don't know if I'll run tomorrow.

I didn't nap on Sunday, but slept very well that night and found myself physically tired on Monday.  That eventually went away.  By Tuesday I didn't feel physically exhausted, but I began to feel what I would call mental exhaustion.  I could not get out the door, every excuse I could find, I have used.  Every twinge that is just a body twinge, nothing important, has been an excuse.  I believe that mental exhaustion is about finished but I'm not sure at all. 

My blood sugar has been fine, so that hasn't been to disturbing, though my diet has not been impressive.  We are 30 days out starting tomorrow.  Certain things will need to get focused.  I hope the goals I am setting here tonight will be helpful over the next four weeks. 

I intend to focus on race pace and below race pace on the 15k's over the next week and then make a decision about Saturday-Sunday next week 10 and 11 March before I head to Lviv Ukraine for an inspection of one of the schools.

This mental exhaustion is really interesting to work with.  I'm very proud to have run 50k with no support by myself and feel that running with people with support is going to be a very different experience.  The thing I am thinking about is preventing mental exhaustion from becoming fear.

All that arises, ceases....  A fascinating five days of thinking.

No comments:

Post a Comment